


Clash of the Titans, Thorki Edition

by amberfox17



Series: Actual Disney Princes Thor and Loki [3]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Clash of the Titans, Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, M/M, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 14:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberfox17/pseuds/amberfox17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very silly ficlet based on the 1981 Harryhausen 'Clash of the Titans' featuring Thor as Perseus (and riding Pegasus) and Loki as Andromeda. Thor is intent on rescuing the fair maiden from the hideous Kraken; it doesn't really go to plan...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clash of the Titans, Thorki Edition

It’s a beautiful evening as Thor soars above the wine-dark sea, his armour reflecting the orange hues of the rich sunset. His trusty steed, Pegasus, sets a steady pace as they track the rocky shoreline, eyes peeled for towns in distress, monsters afoot and, most importantly, half-clothed young ladies in desperate need of a hero.

Just another Thursday, really, but Thor has a good feeling about today, and sure enough, the sun isn’t even halfway set when he spots a figure clothed in white and chained to a rock out in the bay. Another virgin sacrifice, to ward off a dreaded seabeast, or to appease a wrathful god: it’s that time of year, and Thor is doing good business.

“Fear not, fair maiden!” Thor shouts as he swoops down, hammer at the ready, and Pegasus obediently banks so that the setting sun behind him will set off his golden hair and dramatically billowing crimson cape. “I will protect you!”

“Don’t you bloody dare!” the maiden screams at him in a surprisingly husky voice. “Get lost, idiot!”

Obviously hysterical with fear, Thor decides, and proceeds as usual: Pegasus comes to perfect halt, back feet landing first, giving him the opportunity to rear up, great wings spread wide, before thumping down to earth before the wild-eyed captive. It took them months to perfect the procedure, and he’s found it particularly effective.

Thor leaps down, tossing his golden locks from his face, and strides purposefully towards the bound figure, getting a good eyeful of the long, lean legs visible through the gauzy gown, and the mass of dark curls surrounding a fine-boned, beautiful face. Probably a princess, he figures, looking at the expensive fabric and discreet jewellery. They usually are.

“I will slay the mighty Kraken, have no fear,” Thor says confidently, reaching up to wrench the elegant manacled hands from the rock. They come away with surprising ease – in fact, they crumble to dust as Thor takes one of the maiden’s hands and raises it to his lips. Such shoddy craftsmanship these days. “No true hero could let any foul monster destroy such beauty as yours.”

The maiden scowls at him and yanks her hand away. “You touch that Kraken and I’ll gut you like a fish,” she tells him, and her voice really is very deep. It’s rather erotic, and Thor is bit distracted by this, and almost misses what she’s saying. “I’ve spent months setting this up, and I’m not having it go to waste because of a two-bit, self-obsessed ignorant _hero_ like you.”

Thor’s not quite sure what to say to that – these things usually follow a very standard pattern: free the maiden, kill the monster, ravish the maiden, move on – and he’s even more flummoxed when the maiden raises her hands above her head and another pair of manacles appear, re-chaining her to the rock.

“It won’t come unless it sees a helpless maiden chained to a rock,” the maiden says with barely supressed irritation. “So stop freeing me and piss off. Krakens are very shy and easily spooked.”

“What do you want with the Kraken?” Thor asks, rather lost in this conversation.

“I want to tame it, of course,” the maiden says, tossing her hair and endeavouring to look vulnerable and helpless. She’s very good at it, but the death glare she’s giving Thor spoils the effect somewhat.

“Impossible,” Thor says.

“Improbable,” the maiden corrects, “but I’ve been working on it, and I have absolute confidence I can pull it off. But only if, you know, one turns up. So please, go AWAY.”

Thor opens his mouth to retort and then closes it again. This is really not going to plan. “I…I cannot just leave you here,” he points out. “What if you are wrong? You would be eaten!”

“Occupational hazard,” the maiden sniffs. “But fine, if you insist. You can hide behind the rock pillar, so long as you stay quiet and stop…presence-ing.”

“Presence-ing?”

“You know, being so…heroic. And huge. And golden,” the maiden says, gesturing at him with a suddenly free hand. “It’s very…distracting.”

Thor perks up immeasurably at this. “Of course, my lady,” he says. “I will conceal myself behind this rock, and should there be the slightest hint of danger, I shall immediately spring forth to defend you.”

“Not at the slightest hint,” the maiden shouts as he leads Pegasus behind the central peak of this tiny rock island. “Only at absolute, actual, life-threatening danger. And I’m not a lady!”

Pegasus snorts and Thor pats him idly as they settle down, completely hidden behind the broad pillar. Yes, yes, Princess, Duchess, whatever.

All is quiet for about an hour or so, and Thor is wondering whether to just pack it in and try another stretch of coastline, when the first low rumbles begin to vibrate through the rock. He risks a peek and sure enough, off in the distance an enormous wave is rising, a dark shadow at its heart. Finally, the Kraken is on the move.

He hears the maiden take a deep breath and then a piercing scream rings out, wonderfully resonant, and Thor gives a little nod of approval. Good lungs on this one.

It acts like a magnet on the rising sea-monster, and the Kraken bursts forth, looming from the waves like a colossus, huge and scaly and stinking of rotten fish. Why one would want to tame such a creature, Thor cannot imagine, and as the ferocious beast closes on the rock and reaches out with a webbed and claw-tipped hand to snatch at the lady, he forgets all about taming and waiting and can’t resist springing out from his hiding place.

“I say thee NAY!” he shouts, utterly caught up in his excitement. He’s never actually seen a Kraken before; they’re very rare these days, and it’s considered quite a coup to take one down. It’s a shame there aren’t any witnesses – actually, it’s rather odd, come to think of it, shouldn’t the princess-sacrifice’s people be watching from the cliffs, per standard protocol? – but as the beast turns aside from the maiden and heaves its great, slobbering bulk towards him, all he can think of is glory and battle and hitting it really, really hard with his beloved hammer.

“Pegasus! To me!” he calls, and leaps astride the winged horse, Mjolnir in hand, and they charge upwards towards the enormous head. He delivers a solid smack to its face, and another to what might be its ears, or maybe gills, but all the monster does is blow disgruntled bubbles and ponderously swipe at him with its four clumsy arms. This goes on for a while, as Thor and Pegasus flit about the Kraken’s body and head, smacking it powerfully with Mjolnir and causing the beast little more than mild irritation, until Thor’s temper snaps.

Right. That’s it.

Storm clouds begin to gather as Thor thrusts the hammer’s head towards the sky, a great wind rising and whipping the churning sky into a frenzy, waves crashing against the solid bulk of the Kraken and cascading over the tiny rock island, drenching the maiden, who has given up the pretence of being chained and is jumping up and down and waving furiously at Thor.

“Don’t!” the maiden screams, “don’t, DON’T -”

But Mjolnir is already humming in Thor’s palm and he raises it to the coal-black sky and bellows a war-cry. The Kraken looks up and howls a challenge back, but none have ever challenged Thor and lived to tell the tale.

The lightning cracks the sky, leaping from cloud to hammer and then slamming into the Kraken in a throbbing, hissing torrent of liquid fire, thunder roaring as electricity arcs from Thor to the beast. Thor can see nothing, hear nothing, but as the power crescendos and explodes, warm, wet blood spatters across his face and he bares his teeth in a feral grin.

The sky clears and Thor looks down at what he has wrought: the Kraken is dead, a great, smoking hole in its chest, gobbets of meat and bone floating in the sky and splashed across the rock. The princess is looking up at him, absolutely incandescent with rage, her lovely dress soaked in Kraken gore, and as Pegasus lands, entirely without ceremony this time, she clenches and unclenches her fists and advances on him, spitting with fury.

“You -,” the maiden snaps, “you, _you_ -” kicking at the chunks of sizzling flesh, and then she lets loose a torrent of increasingly inventive obscenities, some of which Thor has never heard before.

“Fair maiden?” he ventures when she pauses for breath.

“Wrong again!” the maiden shouts, and she rips the gown clear from her body -

\- _his_ body, wow, no, that’s, uh, definitely HIS body –

\- and Thor drops Mjolnir and backs away, palms up.

“I’m sorry, fair – uh, my lord?”

“Sorry?” the prince, or lord, or whatever he is, screams. “You’re _sorry_? I _told_ you not to interfere! All my work, ruined! Because you were too busy trying to get between my legs to listen to me!”

“That’s not quite fair,” Thor says, hurt. “I was genuinely trying to protect you from the monster. I would not try to get between your legs until _after_ the heroic rescue.”

The man narrows his eyes at him. “You _owe_ me, oh mighty hero,” he snarls. “I wanted that Kraken alive. It’ll take me a year at least to track down another one. _You_ are going to help me do it. You and that stupid feathery horse.”

“Pegasus is a noble steed,” Thor corrects with a sigh. A whole year in service to this…sorcerer? Researcher? Kraken enthusiast? What chance will he have to rescue fair maidens while searching for Krakens with this foul-tempered fellow?

“Whatever,” the man says, turning away in a huff. “You can start by piling up the body parts. I might be able to do _something_ useful with some of it.”

Thor bites his tongue, but complies. He had got a bit carried away, he supposes, and so he dutifully makes a heap of the less gooey bits and pieces that landed on the rock. It’s not until he’s finished that he looks up, and realises that the man has vanished.

“Fair…man?” he calls and hears a loud “My name is Loki! _Lo-ki_! Thanks for asking!” in reply, coming from the other side of the pillar.

Loki is standing half-submerged on a spit of rock that projects out into a non-Kraken-defiled patch of sea, and is bent over, scrubbing at his skin with the saltwater. Thor stares at his legs, still just as long and lean and lovely, at his taut, pale buttocks, flexing intriguingly as he straightens up, and the elegant curve of his spine as he scoops water up in his hands and splashes it over his face and soaks his long, dark hair. Hmm.

“You need to wash too,” Loki points out, shining and wet and gorgeous, and Thor can’t scramble out of his grimy armour fast enough.

“So,” he says, wading out to meet Loki, who eyes his nakedness with something less than blatant hostility. “I _did_ heroically rescue you. Technically.”

“Really?” Loki says, crossing his arms, and arching an eyebrow. “You think this counts?”

Thor takes a step forward, until they are eye-to-eye, and then, in one, smooth, well-practised move, sweeps Loki off his feet and into his arms. “I can make it count,” he says, smiling down at Loki.

“My hero,” Loki says dryly, “the biggest idiot I’ve ever met.”

“The _biggest_?” Thor says, smirking and squeezing the pert globes of Loki’s ass.

“Oh, you are insufferable,” Loki says, rolling his eyes, but he makes no move to get away as Thor bends down to kiss him, licking at the salt on his parted lips.

It’s turning out to be a very good Thursday indeed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so it's not actually Disney, but it's going in the series because it has the same daft tone and because its heavily flavoured by Disney's Hercules (and Megara), and I'm not doing a fic for that one!


End file.
